Little june list

Coming back to life

Foreword

I’ve been in a fog much of this year, emotionally and energetically spent by ongoing life changes (nothing terrible—just intense). With some hopeful signs of improvement last week, I am starting to feel that I can again commit to really living, dusting myself off, getting out of the house. I decided to plan something fun everyday for a week, whether simple or more elaborate, to locate and stoke some signs of life. This edition of the monthly list then—which is already a shapeless genre for me—takes as its objects events that I looked forward to, small changes that inspired me, special moments of indulgence and friendship. (I’d be remiss to suggest that any of these are a balm for the bigger urgencies of the global spread of militarism, fascism, and desperation right now—let’s not mistake consumerism and self-care for resistance—but they did help to revive me from more personal kinds of isolating despair. The other work of revival is ongoing: call your MP, join a protest, picket an arms manufacturer, help a neighbour, make a donation, know where you’re buying from, stay informed, don’t use generative AI and chatbots, protect your data, attend to the overlooked, be kind to a stranger.)

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Day 1: Treats + workshop

My favourite gelato place dropped dad caps, so I hustled all the way over to queue up before they opened and got a hat and two servings (!) of my favourite flavour, which only shows up once or twice a year. I took the dog out when I got home, quickly made us dinner, and then sat down for a Zoom workshop from Dr. Alexis Pauline Gumbs. Dr. Gumbs, who most recently wrote a biography of Audre Lorde, directed a series of meditations and reflective writing exercises based on Lorde’s teenage poetry. We were encouraged to connect to ourselves at an earlier age and see what this might teach us about how we have grown, but also what we knew then that we might need to know now. I particularly loved an exercise based on Lorde’s poem “All These” (written at 14) in which we were to intuitively write a series of “I want…” statements or lines of verse, thinking across what we wanted at a previous age and what we want now, and what these desires might teach us about ourselves.

Day 2: Listening party

I gave myself time in the morning to slowly listen to the new Haim album. I’m often bad at listening to albums all the way through and sometimes it takes me a long time to warm up to them. I have to earmark certain songs to come back to, and then eventually, something sticks. I’m finding this to be true with I quit—I mostly love the singles they already released like “Relationships” and “Down to Be Wrong.” I still think Women In Music Part III is a better, more consistent album though.

Day 3: Farmers’ market + rearranging space

I took myself to the farmers’ market in the morning and got a to-die-for gallette with asparagus, sundried tomato, and ramp, as well as a jar of citrus-flavoured chili oil. I spent most of the day cleaning and catching up on reading for my dissertation before my new sofa was delivered (my previous one had been in the family for almost 40 years and became too small to accommodate both me and my growing pup). My brother and I set it up and then had popsicles and cold water as the heatwave set in.

Day 4: A really good sandwich

I pulled the suburban princess card and decamped to my parents’ house during the heatwave (excuse: too hot for the puppy without proper AC at mine!). I substituted my initial plan to take a yoga class with making a favourite sandwich for lunch with my mom—fig jam, brie, and spinach on a baguette. Simple and perfect. The jam and brie were on sale last week at my grocery store too so I have both also waiting for me in my fridge in the city when I get back—sandwich of the summer!

Day 5: Drugstore pilgrimage

The heat was ungodly (reaching past 40 degrees for the third day in a row) and so a drive to the drugstore felt like a big outing. I restocked my secret moisturizing weapon—a Life brand Vitamin E face cream that my grandmother has sworn by for years, having once been recommended it by a group of nuns with terrific, glowy skin! Nun cream! I also got Essie “Go for Gold” nail polish which is in fact very much silver and not gold, but does a great job of replicating the chrome manicures I’ve seen people pay good money for.

Day 6: Sorry, baby

I’ve been dying to see Eva Victor’s Sorry, Baby since it made a splash at Sundance this winter, and I’m very pleased to be writing about it for LARB soon. I went to a press screening downtown this morning and it was so special. Victor, who stars, directs, and writes the film, nails the ways in which femmes talk to each other about trauma. I also love their physical performance—another tall, loping, hunched-over, and endearing style of comportment reminiscent of Greta Gerwig in Frances Ha, but less staccato.

Day 7: Queer library + gelato and dinner with friends

Aesop asked me to come check out the 2025 edition of their Queer Library, now set up at the Yorkville store here in Toronto. I’m usually suspicious about corporate pinkwashing and Pride events, but I do think this one—giving out really good free books by queer and trans writers—has a lot of merit. This year’s curation emphasized lesser-known voices, though admittedly I privileged familiarity when I went right for Dionne Brand’s Salvage. I also love how entering their stores feels like going to a spa; the staff gently washed my hands with products from the Eleos Aromatique line (smells of “cedar atlas, patchouli, and clove bud” were deeply soothing) and spritzed me with last summer’s perfume Virēre (a green scent, which I had told them I liked, that feels round to me, whereas Gloam, which had been given to me a few years ago, smells more powdery—fascinating how smells can have shapes to them, no?). Edit: After the event, a friend did bring to my attention the fact that Aesop’s parent company L’Oreal was previously an official target of Boycott, Divest, Sanction (BDS) due to its close ties with Israeli apartheid, including the operation of a factory in Migdal Ha'emek, which was established in 1952 after the ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian village of al-Mujaydil. I really admire the Queer Library event—which remains free—but hope that Aesop cut ties with L’Oreal. I encourage readers to exercise caution and awareness about where they spend their money.

In the evening, I met my friends Iman and Winnie for gelato and then Winnie came over and cooked me pasta. I made little crostini with brie, fig jam, and spinach—a micro-version of the aforementioned sandwich—as a starter.

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What I’m Reading

• I have a few chapters left in Charlotte Wood’s Stone Yard Devotional, a terrific final leg to what I’d like to call the Holy Trinity (if I may) of contemporary nun novels, which also includes Lauren Groff’s Matrix and Clare Luchette’s Agatha of Little Neon. I love Wood’s anecdotal reflections, wry contemplation, and gentle humility.

• I finished Elizabeth Hardwick’s Sleepless Nights, which is also a masterclass in recounting the anecdote, memory, or close observation. I’ve wanted to read it for some time, but was motivated to finally do so after reading about Susan Sontag’s jealousy of Hardwick’s gorgeous sentences, and I was not disappointed. Of travel, she writes: “I took a journey, and of course, immediately everything was new. When you travel your first discovery is that you do not exist […] Looking for the fossilized, for something—persons and places thick and encrusted with final shape; instead there are many, many minnows, wildly swimming, trembling, vigilant to escape the net.” She writes of a woman named Judith whose “teeth [are] perhaps a shade too large for sadness.” Or of Billie Holiday: “Somehow she had retrieved from darkness the miracle of pure style.”

• For my dissertation research, I’ve just embarked on Angela Davis’ autobiography. I had the distinctly life-altering honour of spending some time with Davis and her partner Gina Dent when they were visiting the campus where I was studying in Italy in 2018. To me, she has remained a kind of North Star for what one can and ought to do with philosophy and critical, academic thinking, as well as what it means to work and live with integrity. My reading of her autobiography is long overdue, though perhaps also happening at the right time, considering it was published when she was only 28—a few months older than I am now.

What I’m Watching

• When I’m visiting my parents, my mom and I have been eking out time to watch HBO’s adaptation of My Brilliant Friend, which we both agree is one of the best TV series we’ve ever seen. I have admittedly only finished the first in Ferrante’s Neopolitan trilogy, but I couldn’t hold off on continuing through the show anyways, since it is so rich and captivating.

• I liked Adults! It took a moment to warm up to and I think it suffers from not really clarifying how old its protagonists are (they are Gen-Z but look older, so it’s not evident to me whether they are fresh out of school or nearing 30?). There are some episodes through the middle that are genuinely really, really funny.

What I’m Writing

• Prepping for a very exciting interview in August

• Finishing two book reviews and a film review